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How to Catch A Salt Spring Lion

Every Salt Spring Lion weighs more than it thinks and so has mass. Therefore, like all massy things, Salt Spring Lions experience moments of inertia. Simply grab a Salt Springer during one of these moments of inertia and you've caught your Lion.

However, you must be certain that the Lion is experiencing a true moment of inertia. As we all know, Salt Spring Lions are fond of dozing in a fully potentiated state of alert readiness, patiently waiting for any Lion's Belle that might happen along. (Note: We Bellingham Lions would spell that "Bell," but Salt Springers don't seem to notice the difference.)

  Anyway, to be sure that the Salt Springer hasn't simply dozed off, a state of potential in which any Lion is potentially very dangerous, place a large brass bell in his vicinity and strike it smartly with a mallet. If that Salt Springer does not react to the ensuing potentiating vibration, it is not dozing, but experiencing a true moment of inertia. Rest assured. You can grab this Salt Spring Lion in perfect safety.

But before you strike that bell smartly, be sure you have it anchored with a titanium chain attached to an SUV. If the Salt Springer is only dozing, he will instantly spring (hence the nickname) and attempt to "purlion" (the French would say "purloin") the Bell and run off. Some Salt Spring Lions are so covetous of large Brass Bells that they will absolutely refuse to relinquish them. If this is the case, you can pull the Salt Springer off using the SUV. Thus, you can even capture certain Salt Spring Lions who are merely dozing.

Yet you must be very wary, for there are some few Salt Springers who are true Bell Eaters, clever and elusive, who will stop at nothing to "perlion" another's "Belle".

Although Salt Springers are highly attracted to brass bells and other nicknacks, it is a curious fact that they frequently loose track of their own because they spend so much time dozing in the presence of other prides. Here, for example, we see a wee bit of intelligence gathering and its fruits - Lion Rick holding the Salt Spring Lions Club Bell and Gavel, and lecturing those Salt Springers (after rapping the Bell for their most wakeful attention) on the inevitable consequences of dozing.

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